What can we do in the moments when we first realize we’ve lost? When you lose, first of all, remember what team you’re on.
Be your biggest fan.
How you talk to yourself matters. Especially after a fresh loss. We have a tendency to want to be perfect, to always win…but we know that nobody wins all the time.
If your friend comes to you and says:
“I failed, I lost …”
What do you do? You probably try and pick your friend up and support them. You give them a hug or a comforting pat on the back.
But when you fail, what do you tell yourself?
“I’m no good…I should’ve done this, I could have tried that…”
Professor of Educational Psychology, Kristin Neff (Univ. Texas) was interviewed in the 2014 book, “The Confidence Code” about the importance of how we talk to ourselves:
To grow, we all need to try more and harder things. In trying, in taking risks, we will inevitably fail. We won’t always win.
When we lose, in these moments of failure, the way we treat and speak to ourselves can be the difference between gearing up to try again, or giving up and missing the experiences we need to grow.
Show yourself some love
Self-criticism is natural. But without self-love, it can demotivate you.
Here are some ways you can get back to loving yourself after each set-back:
- Find yourself. Pause for a moment. Follow your breath, in and out. Feel your feet, your body, connected all the way down to the ground. Keep following your breath, and be present in your own time and space, and the wonderful gift that we all hold by being ALIVE!
- Shift your tone. If you haven’t said something nice to yourself in a while, now is great time to do so. There are 1,000 things you and your body do right, each and every day.
- Take a minute to see the good. There is easily 24-hours worth of thoughts to make you feel upset and depressed at the world and your situation. There is also 24-hours worth of powerful, inspiring goodness happening all around us. What do you spend most of your thinking-time on? Take a minute, at least, to see the good around you every day.
What do you tell yourself when you’re down?
– Share a challenge or set-back you have experienced.
– What would you tell yourself, if faced with the situation again?
Other resources to inspire confidence and self-compassion:
- “The Confidence Code” [Article about the book], by Katty Kay and Clare Shipman
- Compassion-IT Self-compassion programs and bracelets